In A Blink Of Time
By Dema Mishler
It was the most unexpected thing that ever happened to me, having a stroke. I went to bed feeling great. No signs or symptoms of anything.
It happened on July 1, 2003. The night before I remember asking my husband John what his plans were for the next day. I like some idea what I'll be doing in the morning, in order to get myself out of bed. As usual, he said, "I'm not sure. We'll wait and see." Little did I know that around 5:00 a.m. I would be unable to talk.
John says I sat up in bed that morning and shook my head really hard. He asked, "Honey, what's wrong?" I didn't respond, and so he said, "Why don't you lie back down. You must have had a dream."
I lay back, but I soon sat up. Again my head shook very rapidly. Then John said, "Let's go out here on your chair and see what's wrong." And the moment he saw me, with my face distorted, he knew I was in trouble and needed help. I had another seizure before 911 personnel arrived and gave me some sort of medication. Then everything was a blur.
Who knows what tomorrow may bring? What if today really was the first day of the rest of our lives? Would we be ready? For a while I thought I might be the next addition to our heavenly family tree. To be honest, I think I missed a good chance to join them.
The night before I had prayed a very familiar prayer, one that children often pray, but a prayer that carries more weight than we realize:
Now I lay me down to sleep;
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
But if I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
I had also thanked God for his love for me. Then it seemed as though God gave me perfect peace, and I dropped off to sleep.
My stay at the hospital was like a dream. I vaguely remember having lots of guests. So many things I cannot recall. I was asked if I knew where I was. I figured the hospital at Seaford. But no, I was at Christiana Hospital. I was asked if I knew how I got there. I shook my head, "No." My family told me I was taken there by helicopter. Then my family says I laughed hysterically and said, "Oh, man!" But you know what? I'm still kinda upset about that. It cost over $10,000 for thirty minutes, and I didn't even find it out. That doesn't seem fair.
I had absolutely no pain the whole time I was in the hospital, which was such a blessing. John tells me I have a low pain tolerance. If I could just be swooped into heaven without any pain, that would suit me just fine! The only frightful thing was having those seizures at home. John says I had three of them, but I only recall two.
I was speechless after the stroke, unable to form sentences for several weeks. At times I knew what I was thinking, but I could not say it in words. Mostly I shook my head yes or no.
Because of the trauma of a stroke, I was very weak for a couple of days and in a wheel chair. I soon graduated to a walker and then to walking on my own. I am very fortunate that I don't have any physical paralysis.
Although my hospital stay wasn't all fun, the rehabilitation center at Milford Hospital, where our daughter Fern works, was a blast and a challenge! All those nurses were super. Honestly, they made all of us in rehab feel and look better than what we really were, as though each of us were some kind of queen. We did lots of playing together. Of course, not everyone enjoyed the Balloon Ball as I did!
Our daughter Frieda, also a nurse, often came in to help me get started with each new day. She'd help me clean up, comb my hair, and make me presentable. I've often wondered which one goes through the most-the caregiver or the caretaker? In my case, I never ever sensed that my caregivers felt it to be a burden. Fern has this little phrase she chews, "Mother, you know 'what goes around comes around.'" I certainly didn't deserve all the pampering I received.
That was what I felt so badly about, putting a load like this on my husband and our family. I felt especially bad when I realized that John had to give up a mission trip to Africa. However, Herman Kauffman was so considerate and said, "John, you can go next year?"
Even though I didn't think my family or I had the time to mess around with a stroke, I know the Lord wants us to learn from what he brings into our lives. The number one thing I learned? To listen. I told our daughter Elvida, "You know what? It's been very interesting, just listening. It's amazing what all you learn when you listen!"
God also wants me to learn to be more patient. By nature I'm a pusher. I want things done now, not later. Daughter Fern said to her daughter Robin, "I just wonder what I'd be like if I'd have a stroke like Mom had."
Robin replied, "You'll just be like Grandma, and we'll do just fine." Hopefully, I've demonstrated some patience already.
Believe me, I believe in the power of prayer. After I got home, I realized I never once prayed for myself. Neither did I ask, "Why me, Lord?" But like someone told me, "You didn't need to pray. Others were lifting you up."
That's just so awesome. How can we ever thank everyone? However, I've been thinking about many, many people whom God hasn't chosen to heal in the same way he did me.
I sincerely believe Jeremiah 29:11, where God says he has a plan for each one of us, a plan for good and not evil. Think of all the good that Joni Erickson Tada has accomplished for the Lord. Perhaps if she hadn't been bound to that wheelchair, few people would have heard of her, or the God she serves.
I believe the Lord is still working on us. Perhaps difficult experiences can be a time for us to get un-geared, to think again about what the Lord really wants us to do. For myself, I know that earlier in the year, I did quite a bit of screaming inside. Maybe you could call it rebellion. John was pulling one way, and I was pulling the other.
Some of us women kinda forget what the Lord says in I Corinthians 11:1-3. Then verse 11 reminds us that in God's plan men and women still need each other.
Psalm 17:15 (Living Bible) says it better than I can: But as for me, my contentment is not in wealth, but in seeing you and knowing all is well between us. And when I awake in heaven, I will be fully satisfied, for I will see you face to face.
Amen, Hallelujah,
Praise God!
Originally published in the April 2004 issue of the Brotherhood Beacon. Used by permission.